Tag Archives: China

Ngày Hạnh Phúc Của Mẹ! (Happy Mother’s Day!)

I remember my first Mother’s Day.  I wore a yellow dress and Sheridan wore a cute little outfit with a little yellow hat.  We went to MY mom’s house and took pictures to commemorate the big occasion.  My FIRST Mother’s Day.  The long awaited first one.  Now, so many years later, it is old hat, but I still enjoy it thinking about what it means to me.  And I think about them…………

Happy Mother’s Day to the birthmothers of McKenna and Sheridan.  Every Mother’s Day I can’t help but think about the series of events that led to the fortune of my getting to be a mother.  And to be the mother of these two specific girls….

There are these two other mothers, who for different reasons couldn’t continue to keep them.  So, hey.  Too bad for them?  Great for me?  (A sad little yay, escapes my lips).  And while I always marvel over the wonder of being blessed with my girls, I can’t help but think of these two women, also mothers of these two girls and the circumstances that did or might have led to my fortune.

One mother, in China, had to leave her baby girl somewhere and walk away from her, in winter, at the gates of a government building.  And not.  Look back.  Did she have someone with her keeping her from turning around and running back to that gate?

Another mother, from a farm, who thought her baby girl was going to a local policeman’s family, only to find out later, she was gone, way gone.  She never got that locket with McKenna’s picture in it.  I don’t know why……….

How do you not feel a little bit like you’re a thief on Mother’s Day?

….(I know the above is a provocative thought and if you are an adoptive parent and can relate … or not …. and want to talk about this comment in the comments section.  I’m interested in others’ feelings and thoughts about this.)….

At the same time, I am also the mother of these cool girls.  And I am grateful for their senses of humor, artistry, intelligence, and wisdom.

Two possibly heartbroken women, at one time.  And it took an awful kind of courage to do what they did.  And I get to celebrate Mother’s Day because of them.  So, when Mother’s Day rolls around, and we are thinking about our mothers, my mind strays to China and Vietnam and wonder how two other women are doing.  I wish them much love.  We have two great kids.

There is no way to express the excitement I felt last week when I had an honest to God conversation in Vietnamese with my Rosetta Studio coach. It was AWESOME!! She asked me if I have any children. I told her that I have two daughters. One is from China and one is from Vietnam. Her eyebrows went up a little. (She understood me.) She asked me what their names are. (I understood her.) I told her. She asked me how old they are. I told her. (Understanding. Conversation.) In Vietnamese.

I was thrilled out of my wits. There is almost nothing like the feeling of accomplishment you have when you have communicated with someone in their language.

I have now gone through four Rosetta Studio sessions. And the last two just felt like a slam dunk. I knew all the stuff that I hadn’t known when I accidentally signed up for the first Unit 2 Studio session.

Now moving into the 4th Unit and reviewing the 3rd Unit, I need to set up Studio sessions for both units.  And I am not at all confident that I am ready.  I have recently gone back to work after a lengthy medical leave during which I was able to really focus on learning.  I made real progress on my Vietnamese study during that time.  I am slowing down some now, not having the same kind of focused time to work on it.

What I have found is that I can almost read tweets from @VOAVietnamese and @DaiAChauTuDo.  (By the way, Follow kidsarefromasia on Twitter, if you want)  I am also able to go back and read some e-mails from McKenna’s birthfather in Vietnamese now.  It is like unlocking another world or some wonderful code when you can read another language.

And do you want to see something freaky?

 Sheridan

 

Prisoner in Hanoi Hilton in 1936

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Somewhere Out There

Today, my newly minted fifteen year old and I were driving somewhere and in one quick movement she turned off the radio and popped in her iPod earbuds. There was barely a moment for me to say a word between public and private music, neither of which is conducive to talking. I find myself more and more aware of how little my daughters need to talk to me anymore. I mean, it’s not like we don’t talk. It’s just that they don’t NEED to talk to me anymore.

And simultaneous with that discovery, I realize how much I WANT to talk to them. It seems the more I want to ask them the more they pull in. No matter how delicately I tread, the goofier they seem to think I am. Or at least that is my perception.

So there she was, popping in the second earbud and I wanted to talk to her about anything. So I asked her about what seems to be at the top of my mind these days. Her birth parents. We got to meet McKenna’s birth parents in Vietnam and I have been wondering how she is feeling about not getting to have the same experience.

And when her birthday comes around, especially, I think about birth parents “somewhere out there” thinking about her and wondering if she is ok.

I asked her if we could talk. “Huh?” she said, popping out one side of her earbuds. I said it again. And she said sure. So I asked if she thought about her birth parents. Or if she felt bad about not getting to meet them. And she asked me if I wanted the brutal truth and I said yes and she told me that she didn’t really care.

I was really surprised by that answer. So I dug a little for some clarification. She had felt a little jealous-ish this summer with someone who had gotten to meet the person who found her. Sheridan seemed to have a difficult time remembering feeling that way and when I asked her how she felt about McKenna getting to meet her birth family she said she was happy for her.

Either she wasn’t giving me anything or she really doesn’t care. Either way, my only recourse was to let her know that regardless of how she feels now or in the future I would not pressure her to do anything one way or another but would always support whatever her feelings were. I also told her that if she ever did want to find her birth parents that I would do whatever it took to find them.

My little nine month old sweetheart is fifteen years old this week and the time went by far more quickly than I could have imagined. My main regret is not doing everything that comes to my children with much more intentionality. But despite feeling like I have stumbled through my role as a parent, Sheridan has turned out to be a wonderful, young woman.

I wish there was a way to tell an anonymous Chinese mom and dad how fabulous she is.